We know that River Song is in prison, and we know that she is in prison for doing something very bad indeed. That something very bad indeed might just be shooting the Doctor, perhaps while dressed up as an astronaut perhaps a parallel universe version of her?
That would make sense, and explain why River was quite so protective of spoilers…. I was never much of a fan of The Rani, the other major renegade Time Lord villain in Doctor Who , but inevitably, when people start mapping out potential paths for the character of River, The Rani is one conclusion. Yet while Steven Moffat is happy to dig into Who history for monsters — the Silurians, the Autons — this one strikes us a very long shot. We could live with that. Surely that changes a few rules along the way?
Who says River Song actually has to be a person, then? Could she be House? Could she be the Tardis? Ahem… might just be right. Ah, the cop out entry in the list. Why has she written everything down in the blue book? With the help of Ian and Barbara, she was able to track down a Ravenous who took control of Sheila Page , one of Susan's classmates. Assisted by Susan who vaguely recognised she had "an air of family" around her , River managed to get it out in the open and then neutralise it, thus ending the threat.
In search of family, River visited Terminus Prime where clients could choose their own means of demise and found a cult of Proto-Time Lords , cloned from her by Kovarian at Demons Run, regularly using the facility led by Lake.
River worked with a recently regenerated proto-Time Lord, Lily, to stop him. After he shot Lily, River killed Lake who regenerated into Lily. After burying Lily, who she believed to be the last of her siblings, River summoned an incarnation of the Doctor to take a break with. River had several adventures with the Fifth Doctor and Brooke, who she did not know, including their visit to Gadalax Prime.
The Doctor took River and Brooke to 18th Century Venice where they investigated the mystery surrounding Mozart's final piece, discovering Aqua Galatia had been sold among disgruntled wives to kill their husbands. River became suspicious of Brooke who was increasingly jealous of River.
Brooke spiked the Doctor's tea with Aqua Galatia and attempted to use it to assassinate him but River neutralised it with her love for the Doctor.
She and the Doctor forced Brooke to take them to where she was meeting her employer, The Bumptious Gastropod , a restaurant outside space-time where the rules of causality did not apply. She planned to infiltrate the restaurant to get revenge on Kovarian but was thwarted when the Fifth Doctor immediately returned and was noticed by Kovarian. River kidnapped and dressed Andrew Edwardson in the Doctor's clothes as an attempt to save the Doctor from Kovarian's new plot to kill him.
However, River was convinced by Maitre D' that this was immoral and something the Doctor would not approve of. Whilst River was caught up in increasingly complex timeline of events, Brooke found and killed the true Doctor using regeneration inhibitors to prevent further regenerations. In fury, River shot Brooke, who simply regenerated, and was taken captive by Kovarian.
Back in her old childhood prison in Concorde Well, she discovered that Madame Kovarian had created Brooke and numerous other new a proto-Time Lord. As the Deterrent laid siege to Concorde Well, River was released to help the defences and convinced Brooke and the other clones to create a psychic link of the mythic Furies to taunt Kovarian with the image of the Fifth Doctor, eventually causing Kovarian to have a meltdown.
Though he was unaware of her identity, River said a quick farewell to him. River left Kovarian a prisoner of her cloned siblings. She sent him away when they were attacked by androids disguised as the Queen's guard. After her own escape from the Elizabethan era, River took over the Time Agency in an attempt to get Javic out of her way.
River retrieved Katarina 's body from deep space to give her a proper burial. She was attacked by the Nine who she quickly ascertained had been lured there by her future self. River moved into the Powell Estate and became a neighbour of Jackie Tyler. She asked Jackie for advice about her conflicting feelings for the Doctor and Jack, and they became friends by the time Jack arrived to visit Jackie.
As a visiting professor at the University of Jaska Major , River took it upon herself to teach one of her students, Luke Sullieman , the finer poins of Archaeology. Together, they sneaked into the local museum and opened a tomb which was recently brought there from Jaska Minor. However, in doing so they inadvertently woke up his occupant, who turned out to be the Master.
On Jaska Minor, River witnessed the Master unprecedentedly murder their companions, but didn't stop him, acknowledging this allowed them to distract the local people, the Therians. She was distressed, however, when the Master apparently caused Luke's death to keep open the door of the ziqqurat's inner chamber. After they turned off the sun relais preventing night from falling on the planet, River wanted to leave the Master, but realised she needed his help to get back safely to the shuttle they arrived in.
She recognised Luke in one of the Therians attacking them and, using the Master's solar capacitor , reversed the progress bringing him back to normal. River thought of using the capacitor to cure all Therians, but Luke persuaded her it was not her choice; she then left it to them and went off with Luke in the shuttle, abandoning the Master. When a mysterious planet appeared out of nowhere, a message was sent to the Luna University , requesting the aid of its most eminent archaeologists.
River accepted the message and went there with a class of students, where they found a tomb apparently untouched by scavengers.
As they opened it, though, they found that Bernice Summerfield was already in it: she arrived first upon receiving the same message as River, recognising that it came from the Doctor. Minutes later, the Eighth Doctor landed on the planet with his present companion, Ria , and River sent her class back, fearing for their safety.
She later made the shocking discovery that the planet they were on was the ruins of Gallifrey after the Time War ; she wanted to keep it quiet, but Benny told the Doctor. Upon further searches, they found out that the Matrix was still active, and that the Doctor and Ria had the power to access it and control it. The arrival of another troop of scavengers then prompted the Doctor to use the powers of the Matrix not only to protect the ruins, but also to rebuild Gallifrey; River then encouraged him to do so, to make himself a god , thus snapping him out of his delusion.
By then, she and Benny had already worked out that the planet was not really Gallifrey, but instead the ruins of a TARDIS, which projected the illusion of Gallifrey by connecting with the mind of the Doctor. The Doctor then reprogrammed it to dispel any illusion after he, River and Benny had gone.
River and the Doctor stood hand in hand and watched Gallifrey disappear, before leaving. River visited Jack in Gallipoli. They planned to get married, but the ceremony was interrupted by Snorvlast , who was devoured by the vortex wraiths. Jack and River then visited the end of the universe for their honeymoon. She posed as a Movellan herself and tried to keep his emotions in check, however struggled to control him as he began using a tractor beam to capture more and more vessels to attach to the crippled Movellan ship he'd been created on, forming Mto and tricking human colonists into believing they'd crashed here.
She diverted the Tenth Doctor and Anya Kingdom 's time jump to make them arrive nearby and lured them to Mto With a message of "hello sweetie" in a Dalek voice. As the Doctor and Anya investigated River maintained the pretence of being a Movellan, to the Doctor's frustration, until they managed to expose the truth about Kamen and send the humans on Mto to safety.
This drama caused her to lose control of Kamen's emotions, leading to him fatally overloading. Overwhelmed by the effort of trying to control Kamen, River advised the Doctor to find the First Movellan and then left with her vortex manipulator. Whilst investigating Demonese , the most haunted planet in the galaxy, River summoned the Tenth Doctor.
Devising a computer virus to help, the Doctor created holographic replications of River and himself who could make the computer accept it, and they discreetly guided their doubles to deduce the situation by themselves. River worked with the Tenth Doctor to investigate explosive jewels unearthed in Cheapside in , tracing their origins in to Gerald Pulman , who they found possessed alien explosive material and had killed his wife.
Tracking Pulman on a sailing ship, the Doctor confronted Pulman whilst River held off the crew who had turned on Pulman. After Doctor persuaded Omara to use the energy to defuse the jewels, River encouraged him to let Omara go when she refused his offer to preserve her and faded away. The Doctor then returned River to During this time she went by the alias "Melody Malone.
When she encountered the man she recognised as Rock, he had no memory of their meeting in her office the previous day. After dealing with two thugs that were hired to kill her, River returned to her office only to receive a call from head of Starlight Studios, Max Kliener.
She agreed to meet him at his studio the next afternoon, where she was reintroduced to Rock, who claimed to remember their prior meeting. However, River knew he was lying when she asked about giving him coffee and he pretended to remember this although it never happened. She also noted that Giddy Semestre , Rock's co-star, also did not remember meeting her the day before at the party.
Max then led River down a block from the main studio and revealed to her a room full of giant bell jars filled with what appeared to be clones of Rock Railton, Giddy Semestre, and of Max's bodyguard, Hank Sissy. Max explained that they were not clones so much as everyday people who had had their flesh redistributed in their bodies to make them look identical to their template bodies.
To do this, he had used "the kiss of an angel. Max planned to transform River into a copy of Giddy Semestre, but River kissed him using her hallucinogenic lipstick and managed to escape by killing the Hank copies and pushing Max into the arms of his Weeping Angel, who kissed him and turned him to dust. As River was reversing the process to turn the other transformed victims back into themselves and escort them to safety, she was unaware that the Weeping Angel was being stolen from behind the curtain it was sitting behind via an escape hole that had been cut into the wall.
She returned in time to see a van speeding off, presumably with the Angel inside. River in New York City on 3 April Amy and the Doctor had difficulty following him since all the time energy the Angels had consumed made time travel difficult.
With the help of a Chinese vase as "landing lights", they managed to get through but found River trapped in the grip of one of the Angels; she had to break her wrist in order to escape and the Doctor used up some of his regeneration energy to fix it. Rory was locked in a cellar with a group of baby Weeping Angels but instead of sending him back in time, they just sent him to Winter Quay.
When River, Amy and the Doctor found Rory, they also found an older version of him, dying in a bed. After that they heard loud thumps, made by the Statue of Liberty , which had become a Weeping Angel.
With the Angels closing in, River, her husband and her parents were forced to flee towards the roof and got separated on the way up. The Statue of Liberty was waiting for them and Rory and Amy decided to sacrifice themselves and create a paradox which would poison the Angels food source and kill them. River and the Doctor watched in horror as Amy and Rory threw themselves off the roof, and the paradox killed all the Angels except one, which somehow managed to survive.
The group found themselves in a graveyard that had a gravestone with Rory's name on it. As they were preparing to leave, the surviving Weeping Angel ambushed them and sent Rory back in time. Amy decided to allow the Angel to touch her so that she could be with Rory. After a tearful goodbye to River and the Doctor, Amy turned away from the Angel and allowed it to touch her so that she could live with Rory for the rest of her life. The devastated Doctor asked River to travel with him. River said she would go with him anywhere, but "not all the time", as there was "only room for one psychopath" on the TARDIS.
Under the name "Melody Malone", River went upstairs to write the book that led the Doctor to s New York and said that she would get Amy to write the afterword when she sent it to her for publishing, in hopes that the Doctor would listen to Amy. The Doctor decided to take River to Darillium , knowing there would be their final meeting. Along the way they encountered his younger self who was currently taking River on her first night out from imprisonment.
River learned that King Hydroflax had the Halassi Androvar diamond embedded in his head. She purported to have married him as part of a plan to retrieve it. For this reason, she joked that she had actually married the diamond itself. At around the same time, she also claimed to have married her assistant Ramone.
River planned to use a surgeon to remove the diamond. She sent her assistant Nardole to bring the surgeon to her but Nardole inadvertently found the Twelfth Doctor and brought him to River by mistake. River did not recognise the Doctor in this incarnation.
River brought the Doctor to Hydroflax, as part of a ruse to steal the diamond from his head. The Doctor repeatedly tried to tell her who he was, but she did not understand what he was saying.
Hydroflax revealed himself to be a cyborg and discovered River's deception, removing his own head in the process. Aboard the ship, with Hydroflax's body sealed in a cargo hold, River attempted to sell the diamond-studded head.
Eventually, Scratch arrived to buy the diamond, but then revealed himself and every other person in the restaurant to be Hydroflax devotees. A fight ensued, during which Hydroflax's head was ultimately vaporised by the body.
After Hydroflax's body decided to seek out the Doctor's head as a replacement, River came under questioning as to his location. To buy time by "keeping them talking", River claimed to Hydroflax's body that while she loved the Doctor, the Doctor didn't love her back, and he wouldn't be stupid or sentimental enough to come rescue her.
River then realised who the Doctor was, and quickly revealed to him that a meteor storm was about to strike the ship and kill everyone and she planned her position perfectly. As the storm struck the ship, the floor broke under River and the Doctor, dropping them to a lower floor, and breaking the standoff. The ship descended, with River and the Doctor unable to bring it under control.
As they argued about who would save the ship from crashing into the planet Darillium , they realised they were seconds from crashing and fled into the TARDIS. The Doctor had regained consciousness first, emerged from the TARDIS on Darillium, and using the diamond, inspired a man called Alphonse to start a restaurant, so he could travel into the future and book a reservation for a balcony view of the Singing Towers. Dressing formally for River when she awakened, the Doctor gifted her with a sonic screwdriver of her own.
River expressed concern about the stories saying that this would be their last date, but the Doctor had accepted that their time must come to an end. The Doctor told River that nights on Darillium lasted 24 years and the two enjoyed the view. True to his word, the Doctor stayed with River on Darillium for the whole "night". Nardole later commented that it was a hell of a twenty-four years.
He asked her to have a proper relationship with him, but River turned him down and told him that the Doctor was her husband. Stranded in the Vortex after her manipulator malfunctioned, River was harboured by a man named Daniel and his daughter Alison on their ship, and stayed with them some weeks, trying to find a way to escape.
They eventually came across the ruined timeship of Admiral Eno , and River devised a plan with her to take her back to working so they can live. Aboard the ship was, however, a dangerous criminal, Kaliopi , who attacked them. The season six finale was suitably bonkers, with time itself broken.
We won't go into just why or how this happened or, indeed, how this was all fixed , but the long and short of it is: it was River's fault. Wearing an eye patch, she defeats Kovarian and the Silence and sets time right again by marrying the Doctor. We then discover that she didn't actually kill the Doctor in Utah during the events of 'The Impossible Astronaut' just a Teselecta version of him.
Just as she is born as "Melody Pond" see No. A somewhat shocked Doctor goes off to find their daughter whilst we all took a summer break. River receives an invite, whilst imprisoned, with date and map references.
She escapes and meets up with Eleventh Doctor and the Ponds in Utah. Where an astronaut "kills" the Doctor. Or rather kills "the Doctor". A few minutes later, the Doctor is back. Well, a younger version, at least. The gang travel to and "meet" the Silence, with River displaying some neat shooty-wooty skills. She's returned to the Stormcage prison, where she shares a first kiss with the Eleventh Doctor from his point of view.
Matt Smith's first series comes to an end with a little help from River Song in saving the universe. Well, they don't really save it so much as reboot it. Cheeky River leaves a message for her husband at the dawn of time, carved into a diamond cliff, becoming the first words in recorded history — "Hello Sweetie! Adventures across time and space with the time-travelling hero. Adventures in time and space with the Eleventh Doctor and his companion Amy Pond.
We may never know precisely when, but Madame Kovarian was behind the kidnapping of Amy. Possessing a natural and unique defence mechanism, the Angels can only move when no other living creature is looking at them. Transform one of your books into a diary like River Song's! The ideal place to keep spoilers
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